Thursday, November 3, 2011

Life Lessons: The “Diplomat”

I was thinking about the time in my life when I lived for a fake peace rather than a real truth.  You see, I lived in a family full of passive aggressive and volatile people with tons of unresolved shit.  Now, I won’t go into what the drama was (it was legion), but I got so sick and tired, that I would do anything for quiet.  If it meant suppressing my real feelings, then that’s what I did.

You know what I discovered?  I was the only person coming out the loser all the time, because other folks went on with their lives.  I did all the changing and accommodating, while the family members in question continued to be who they were.  You see how that mess works?  I was the one all broken down until I induced illness.  I spent more time in the ER in 1 month than my entire life up until that point.

I sit here thinking to myself: what the hell were you smoking?  Why did you allow yourself to be at such a disadvantage and for what?  A fake sense of “happiness”.  Really?  Sometimes you have to go through things boys and girls.  Life’s lessons are hard, but necessary.  I had to suffer through years of emotional dishonesty with myself, which is the saddest thing of all.

I finally left that world behind or so I thought, but there are times when I slide back into the familiar and have to check myself.  It’s gotten a hell of a lot better with time, but you must always stay vigilant when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

I’m gonna let Badu take it from here…


bandit queen press said...

so feeling your post. the conditioning is hard to break, but at least you're aware. that's the first step towards healing. love and light -the lab-