Thursday, November 3, 2011

Life Lessons: The “Diplomat”

I was thinking about the time in my life when I lived for a fake peace rather than a real truth.  You see, I lived in a family full of passive aggressive and volatile people with tons of unresolved shit.  Now, I won’t go into what the drama was (it was legion), but I got so sick and tired, that I would do anything for quiet.  If it meant suppressing my real feelings, then that’s what I did.

You know what I discovered?  I was the only person coming out the loser all the time, because other folks went on with their lives.  I did all the changing and accommodating, while the family members in question continued to be who they were.  You see how that mess works?  I was the one all broken down until I induced illness.  I spent more time in the ER in 1 month than my entire life up until that point.

I sit here thinking to myself: what the hell were you smoking?  Why did you allow yourself to be at such a disadvantage and for what?  A fake sense of “happiness”.  Really?  Sometimes you have to go through things boys and girls.  Life’s lessons are hard, but necessary.  I had to suffer through years of emotional dishonesty with myself, which is the saddest thing of all.

I finally left that world behind or so I thought, but there are times when I slide back into the familiar and have to check myself.  It’s gotten a hell of a lot better with time, but you must always stay vigilant when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

I’m gonna let Badu take it from here…

1 comments:

bandit queen press said...

so feeling your post. the conditioning is hard to break, but at least you're aware. that's the first step towards healing. love and light -the lab-